What would drive a sane, loving father to take his own life?

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by Jake Morphonios
(Conservative Libertarian)

I want for you to use your imagination for a few minutes. Pretend you are an average guy, say 30 years old, married with two children under 9 years old. You've been with the same woman for around 10 years. You've had your ups and downs, just like any other married couple, but things seem to be relatively okay.

One day your wife says she's leaving you. She is taking the kids and wants a divorce. You are shocked; you didn't see this coming. In time you accept the inevitability of the divorce, given the current no-fault divorce system that grants anyone a divorce for any reason. You know that you won't be with your wife anymore, but at the very least you are going to continue to be as active in your children's lives as you've always been.

Then she gets a lawyer and sues for sole custody of the children. You respond by retaining your own attorney and the legal battle begins. The entire process of divorce wears on you emotionally. You have lost the security of your family unit, your finances are suffering and you are sure to lose considerably more, your social circle shuns you out of a desire to stay out of the divorce matter and your ability to concentrate at work declines. This is the hardest thing you've ever been through.

In the midst of this acrimony, without warning you receive the most unbelievable news of your life.

You wife has accused you of sexually molesting your 4 year old daughter.

She has obtained an emergency ex-parte order prohibiting you from having any contact with your children while you are investigated for child sex abuse. What??? How did this happen? How could this happen? This isn't some stranger making a bogus charge - this is your wife! She knows you better than anyone on earth. She knows damn well that you would never hurt your own child - or any other child for that matter!

At first you feel angry. "Nobody is going to believe this crap", you tell yourself. You've gone online and read government statistics that state that nearly 77% of all child sex abuse allegations made by a divorcing wife against her husband during a custody dispute are false. Surely everyone will see her evil accusation for what it is - a legal stratagem to win full custody of the kids. But this case isn't as open and shut as you first thought. You soon realize that you are in real trouble.

Immediately you find that the very accusation of child sex abuse carries such power that you are instantly put on the defensive. You started out by seeking the support of family and friends, but now even some of them seem to be treating you differently. You become obsessed with trying to prove your innocence, but quickly learn the futility of trying to prove a negative. Ask an innocent politician in public whether or not he still beats his wife. No matter how he responds, the seed of doubt has been sewn in the public's mind.

In the meantime you learn through your attorney that your little girl has been subjected to invasive physical examinations by a doctor using a rape kit. Her vagina has been examined and she has been subjected to tests for STDs that you might have given her. You can only imagine how frightened she must have been as a stranger in a white jacket inserted things inside of her. The tests come back negative. There is no evidence of any physical abuse. But rather than confirm that your daughter was not molested, the doctor issues a written evaluation stating that while there is no evidence, abuse cannot be ruled out.

Your daughter is then subjected to a series of interrogations by a social worker or other investigator whose job it is to find out what you did to her. You are presumed to be guilty. Your daughter was given anatomically correct dolls and told that they represent her and daddy. The investigator then watched how she played with the dolls to decide if her play time can be used to substantiate the claim of abuse against you. You pray that your daughter doesn't exhibit any interest in the strange body parts on the dolls - because any subtle or innocent behavior during play time might be enough to condemn you. They aren't investigating whether you are innocent or not. They are looking for something to use against you.

You feel anger and hate toward your wife for doing this to your daughter. Why doesn't anyone see that what she is doing to your little girl is the real child abuse? Your older child has also been paid a few visits from investigators. "Has daddy ever touched your penis?" God only knows what else they have put into your child's mind. Even if you do get to see your children again, they will probably never think of you the same again.

Today your boss called you into his office to ask you why your work is suffering. You don't dare tell him, but it's too late. Word has already spread throughout the office. Your boss tells you that you are out of sick time (which you had secretly been using to cover for your court visits) and places you on a disciplinary action plan. Everyone at the office looks at you differently. Those fleeting glances cause you such pain. You thought they knew you better than this, but you accept that some of them have come to believe that you are a child molester. So much for your future at this company.

Your attorney paints a grim picture. Jail sentencing for child molesters can be longer than it is for murderers (and you know what they do to convicted child molesters in prison). It looks like you are going to have to mortgage your home to pay for this protracted legal fight. You also face the prospect of a felony sex offender charge and lifetime membership on the federal sex offender registry when you get out of prison. Any hope of a productive career in a respectable profession may be over.

You have lost your wife and children. Her parents hate you for a crime you didn't commit. You have no support network left, but people are coming out of the woodwork to slather your wife with words of comfort and sympathy - and she is gloating. You haven't had a full night of sleep in months because of frequent night terrors. You are full of anxiety and depression. Your tried drinking, but it didn't help. Prayer might have helped, but you feel bitterness toward God for letting such a travesty of justice take place. You are totally alone.

The dark thoughts won't go away.  Someone invisible keeps whispering them in your ear: Nobody likes you or believes you. You are going to prison for a long time and will probably be sexually abused by violent criminals. Your children think you are a sexual deviant and never want to see you again.

You think of the children you will never see again.  You are dead to them.  You pick up the gun and pull the trigger.

All because a vindictive wife chose to use the most devilish of legal tactics to beat you in a custody battle....

Dear reader, this account really happened. It was not a piece of fiction. Men's lives are being destroyed by the divorce industry. Nothing hurts a man more than having his children torn from his life when he has done nothing wrong. The use of the false abuse allegation is the most sinister legal tactic used today.

The story above is, sadly, not unique. Men throughout America are committing suicide, unable to bear the humiliation, shame and loss of companionship of their children that results from false child abuse allegations.

This week such a man was buried in Missouri. His name was Shawn W. O' Banion and his story is similar to those of other men that have been victimized by the family court system. His marriage to his former wife, Angela C. Meyer, ended in divorce. To win sole custody of the children, Angela filed multiple false abuse allegations against Shawn. Even though the abuse charges were not substantiated, they were enough for Judge Kathryn Elizabeth Davis to prohibit Shawn from seeing his children. Most judges are elected officials and crave reelection.  They take a "better safe than sorry" attitude toward abuse allegation cases to ensure that mistakes don't come back to haunt them politically.  In Davis' case, however, she has been appointed by the Governor.  It would seem that voters can't touch her.

I never spoke with Shawn personally, but I recall reading about his situation in a father's rights discussion group that we both participated in. Caring men tried to help Shawn with his case, but the dismay and depression were too great for him to deal with. He took his life a week ago. His second wife will never see Shawn again and his unborn child will never know what a good father he was.  This should never have happened.

If you care about this issue - if you or someone you know has been victimized by false abuse allegations - if you need support - there is help available. You don't have to fight this battle alone. Contact me and if I can't give you the support you need, I can direct you to people who can.

Jake

801-885-9537

 Jake Morphonios is a civil rights advocate and North Carolina State Coordinator for Fathers 4 Justice - US. Jake's political opinions do not represent those of Fathers 4 Justice. Neither Jake nor F4J-US provide legal advice or assistance with individual cases.

Fathers seeking support or information, or other parties interested in becoming involved in the children's rights movement may contact Jake at: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Comments (5)

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written by Vet/Father, March 30, 2008

This is sad, and its happening all the time on a reg bases.
We are in a civil war. A war on God and Family and Fathers.
Make no mistake about it.

WELCOME TO THE NEW WORLD ORDER!
written by Mr. Scorpio, April 03, 2008

This story is a tremendous travesty beyond epic proportions. Today our the great country we once knew is no more. We are now experiencing what people have called and said would happen years ago. The Fall of America has already begun. We look at big business in america where the war in Iraq has produced billions of dollars in profits for oil companies in this country as working american families try too put food on there tables. The police State is in full affect people. Married couples are one fight away from divorce. The state of the american people is dismal. We have lost hope in ourselves. Big government wants too control our mind body and soul. Unless we as a people stand up and band together we have already lost this battle and it will only get worse. Slowly our rights are taken away every day the constitution has be shredded by The Patriot Act. This scare tactic has be in place BECAUSE THEY SAY IT'S TOO PROTECT YOU! bullshit it's too take away more of our rights. Today it says if you get married and have children and your wife decides to walk away your life is over my friend and you will end up in jail or dead that's what you have too look forward too. So beg your wife please don't leave me do what ever you want I'll be your slave just don't take me too court because I know what too expect....

Add 29 fathers to this one
written by Chris Yavelow, April 03, 2008

Jake Morphonios has written an excellent article about the situation of fathers in custody battles. So many people are unaware of the fact that the mother-biased courts are actually killing the fathers. You've heard of "suicide by cop," well this is "suicide by court." A couple resources exists describing cases in Canada: http://www.mesacanada.com/mtcenf05.htm and in the UK http://fathersforlife.org/menbroke.htm but I do not know of any sites chronicling the thousands of cases in the USA. The statistics are alarming: for a father whose children have been taken from him for no apparent rational reason (by court reason), the suicide rate raises to 30 times above the norm, while for a mother whose children are taken from her by court ruling, there is no change in the suicide rate. The father's risk of cancer, heart attack, and stroke also increase by some 15 times over the norm (again, no change in the mother's risks when the situations are reversed). I track many of these statistics at the StolenChildren.net (Stolen Children Network). Again, my applause to an excellent article by Jake.
Chris Yavelow
director: America's Stolen Children Network (StolenChildren.net)

so true
written by NIKKI, May 03, 2008

long story short my husband and are still going threw this started this last Aug all over and they have been separated for over 12 yrs this July. Unless you are going through or have been you can not imagine the nightmare especially when we have started our own family, and have cps show up at my door accusing him of doing stuff to our children! IT HAS NO EFFECTED OUR 3 BABIES, WHO ARE INNOCENT YET WE HAVE TO ANSWER TO DEFEND OURSELVES, BUT THE EX WIFE WHO IS MANIC AND BI POLAR CAN SAY ANYTHING THEY WANT AND THEY DO NOTHING TO HER EVEN THIS ALL A BUNCH OF MADE UP LIES. ITS A SHAME AND UNBELIEVABLE, IF WROTE THE WHOLE STORY YOUR JAWS WOULD JUST FALL TO THE GROUND!!!

ITS NICE TO KNOW THERE IS SOMEWHERE TO TALK ABOUT THIS AND TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE THAT ARE WALKING IN OUR SHOES NOW , AND WERE NOT ALONE.

HOWEVER THIS IS AWFUL, AND COURTS THINK WOMEN CAN DO KNOW WRONG, WELL MY FATHER WAS GRANTED CUSTODY OF ME WHEN MY MOTHER JUST DECIDE SHE WANTED TO LIVE ONE DAY BACK IN 1977, SO FOR YOU WOMEN OUT THERE THAT THINK OH ITS JUST THE HORRIBLE MEN, HONEY WAKE UP AND TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU CAUSE THERE ARE PROBABLY MORE WOMAN OUT THERE TO DO MORE DAMAGE THEN MEN CAUSE THERE SO MAD THEY DIDN'T GET THERE WAY.

ITS NEEDS TO BE PUT TO A STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been there, done that.
written by Glen C. Schulz, May 08, 2008

Talk about hitting close to home, the sad story of Shawn O'Banion parallels my own story and makes me cry, although I was lucky enough to survive my suicide attempt. His story and mine are almost identical. With a dysfunctional court system and CPS a joke, my only option was to kidnap my children many years ago and go into hiding, that is until the FBI found us two years later. What I was forced to do was legally wrong, but as a loving father, morally right! Not one call was made by CPS to investigate the false allegations put forth by their mother, her only way to keep us apart. I do not condone or encourage anyone to do what I did, we must spread the word about this travesty quickly, before many more GOOD fathers like Shawn die. We must unite and fight for a better system, one that puts the children first, not re-election to office. Unless you have experienced Parental Alienation firsthand, you can't possibly completely understand the unbearable pain and depression that go with it. My book "Unlawful Flight" is my way to bring awareness to the public about this travesty. May God bless us, for we desperately need it!